Children of Light

Every heartbeat pulsated in my ears as I stared at the tiny infant in my arms. He was perfect. Ten tiny fingers. Ten tiny toes. Bright shining eyes and milky skin. For months I’d been plagued by doubts and worries. In some way or another, these are common to nearly every mother’s experience. For me, however, buried beneath the mountainous erosion of inner turmoil was a single fear I wrestled with day and night. No amount of words can describe how I hated my own skin for even thinking the question: Do I want my child? 

But on a warm spring morning in a hospital room, silent but for our two hearts beating, light pierced the darkened sky of my battered soul. Towers of impossibilities I’d erected in my mind melted. Healing didn’t come in an instant. But the power of darkness trembled when a single grin from my newborn baby infused purpose into this mama’s heart. 

This is my story. It’s a story I never wanted to tell. A depression entrenched in falsities until the light seemed only a flicker. Yet the scriptures tell us, “...For those who love God all things work together for good.” A seed was planted in the soil of that sorrow. Watered by my abundant tears. Split by the power of the Spirit and sprung forth with a calling. A dream to adopt an infant whose mother never intended to be with child.

Hardships have riddled these past two years of our adoption journey. A flooded basement, a health crisis, an attack waged against our identities, marriage and family. Not to mention the twenty some “No, you’re not the right family” emails we have received to-date. Standing for life is never easy. But it is worth the fight. Every. Time. 

You and I, as we claim Jesus, belong to His mission. Friend, if we believe the scriptures that the very breath of God dwells within our lungs, then we must stand, “steadfast, immovable and abounding in the work of the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 15:58) We have been summoned. Called to be His hands and feet. 

“For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light. (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true) and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:8-10)

Light doesn’t hide. It shines. It exposes evil. It is powerful because of its Source. If we are to stand firm in this fight, we must first be connected to the Source (who is Jesus) and then reflect His light in this dark world. 

Every heartbeat pulsated in my ears. Yet even with my eyes fixed on the tiny infant in my arms, my heart was oh so aware as Jesus stepped into my story to once again declare Himself the Light of my life. That day, with my firstborn tucked against my chest, a reckoning began. A broken heart mended by a divine infusion of purpose and a weaving of grace is stronger repaired than it ever was whole. Today, nearly eight years later, I’m recommitting to this stand. Faithful to the call He’s placed on my life. Not only to adopt a child but to stand firm against the undermining currents that seek to dissuade the sanctity of life. I will link arms with organizations, like Starting Point, who affirm life and purpose—not only that of the pre-born but also a mother and father who need hope. 

I don’t know your calling but I believe we all have a choice before us this very moment: Will we choose today life and good or death and evil? (Deuteronomy 30) You and I, we belong to the Light. Let’s walk as children of light. Let’s make this our starting point.